Barren, Infertile & Childless

Barren, infertile, childless…these words are some of the most painful I’ve ever encountered. Call me a word that would make your grandmother blush, but please don’t call me one of these. The problem with that logic is that any one of these words actually describes where I am today. I am barren, infertile and childless.

Nothing I do can change that. Only a miracle from God will provide the opportunity for me to become a mother. As we’ve entered into the part of IVF where I am taking more shots each day, I am reminded that so many people are not even aware of the process of IVF. The thing is, there are as many protocols as there are doctors. I have been through 5 rounds of IVF, and the protocol on each round has been different. The doctors learn from past experiences, as every woman’s body is different, and make changes for each new round of IVF. For this round of IVF, I’ve been taking shots for weeks. As of last Saturday, I went from one shot a day to 3-4 shots a day. Chad and I also take an antibiotic twice a day for 10 days. I will have a blood draw and ultrasound nearly every other day as I progress through the protocol. I don’t know about most women, but I know the shots I take bruise my stomach and I look as if I’ve been punched several times. I wake up and take my shots at 6:30 a.m. I have to get up early enough to have time to mix my medications and draw them into the syringes. Then, my sweet husband gives me the shots, while telling me to relax. Then, at 6:30 p.m., I have one more shot that I take.

I have learned that infertility is something that can break you or make you stronger. I honestly cannot imagine walking along this path without the Lord. It has been such a comfort to know that no matter what the future holds, whether we are blessed with a biological child or not, we know that our Father will be right there with us.  I’ve told a few people that without God, I’d find it impossible to wake up and face each day. How do you lose children that never got to take a breath on this earth, and go on? The only way you can do that is knowing that they are in Heaven with God and that you will have a day when you can hold them in your arms.

God has blessed us so incredibly, and I am thankful for all He has given us. I often remind myself that even though we have not been able to conceive and carry a child to term, it does not mean that we haven’t been blessed beyond anything we could ever deserve. May you take time today to be aware of God’s amazing love and be thankful for the blessings in your life. If you have time, I’d love to hear about the ways God has shown His love to you or ways that He has blessed you!